mrs. independent

The song "Miss Independent" by Ne-Yo is in some ways a typical R&B track. What makes it different is that he expresses admiration of a confident, competent, and responsible woman. This woman doesn't need his help, and she shines.

There are many things to read into this message, depending on one's perspective. I want to share how I recently got present to the future I was living into.

After a whole day of moping around on Saturday, I realized that my view of myself as "not good (smart/supportive/attractive/etc.) enough" was a complete drain on my relationships. Then I got that a drain takes everything and leaves nothing. I saw right then that I did not want to destroy my relationships, and I created myself as a fun and fearless adventurer.

Sunday night the mopes came back, and fearless fun girl was nowhere to be found. I got that whatever I created was going to have to be powerful for me. So I created myself as a contribution, thought about how I could make that real, and got up to do the dishes.

For me, being a contribution certainly embodies the qualities of being confident, competent, and responsible. Beyond that, it means being out in the world to make a difference for everyone I meet, no matter what the situation. That's the level I need to be at to be certain I'm not being a drain, and that's a level that gets me up out of bed in the morning.

Naturally, the drain view of me has already been back, and it likely will come again. What's different now is that I can see that view for what it is, and let it go. I have a different view that I like better - contribution. That's freedom, and a lot of space to create beautiful relationships.